She's JV to your varsity
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
