Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize