in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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