you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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