I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
