Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
