I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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