This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
