Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
