Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
