She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
