I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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