so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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