i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
