And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
