It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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