I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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