I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish I only lived at night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize