I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
