Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
