Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
