I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
