I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
