bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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