i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
