My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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