A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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