Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
