but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
