on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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