Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
