Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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