kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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