I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
