Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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