My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
