Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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