I cockslap morals
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize