how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
