I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
