So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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