Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I understand Curling. That high.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
