you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
