Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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