I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
