standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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