writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
