I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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