Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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