Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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