Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
