If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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