he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she looked like the before picture.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
