I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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