He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Michael Bay diarrhea
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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