life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
