she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
