Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
