Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
