I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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