I just threw up on my dentist
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
