Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
