I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
