do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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