We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize