I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Farmville is her only friend.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is my gift to your gina
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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