i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
