I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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