Don't you send me to vm
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
