You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
