Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
