I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
