last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
