They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
