What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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