Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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