Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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