I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
