Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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