I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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