you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
