I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize