Umm I'm too high to move.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
