Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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