A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
