I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
