Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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