you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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