discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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